I’ve been working on improvement software lately. I’m really enjoying it. It lets me track if I’m on target and meeting my goals. My mantra is simple. “Tomorrow I should be able to do more in 5 minutes than I could today.”

Anybody who knows me knows I work a lot. I hack a lot. I work on some product I think people need. Whether I’m on my own clock or someone else’s matters very little to me. I strive to help people.

Recently I’ve found a project I want. I want to use it. I want to work on it. This is the first time this has happened to me. It’s an amazing experience.

I have a problem. It’s a small problem. It’s definitely a first world problem.

I am what I wanted to be when I grew up. I’ve done it! Honestly, it’s very fulfilling. I love what I do and I love who I work with. I have for several years now and I’m able to sharpen my swords and feel good about it.

I made a deal with myself about writing. I would write two posts a week. By post I meant a public post. I would try to write at least every day. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve been writing privately. Only. And even that, at most twice a week.

For the first few years programming was typing the letters off a page in a book (or a download from a BBS I printed) into a file. Then I ran it. Sometimes I had syntax errors. I’m not sure what I learned back then.

After that I learned something solid. I learned how to mix and match. I knew where to look, at least. I recognized examples in books as a way to go from point A to B. Years later I learned about shared libraries.

Software development is hard. It’s an adventurous discipline. There is always more than one way to do anything, including evaluating which way to do something.

Someone leading software efforts, whether it’s a talented developer or a fearless but non-technical manager, is a brave soul. There is so much quirkiness. Software is art and science mixed together, and ego is liberally applied on top.

My entire life, more than anything, I’ve felt compelled to be helpful. I really, really want to help. I just want to take people’s problems away.

I want to be their superhero. But only when it’s something I agree with.

I’m quite selfish, perhaps the most selfish superhero ever.

Today my wife called me over. She was half-way up the stairs, looking out over our sitting room (which is just a big open space for the kids). Odd place for her to be. The room has vaulted ceilings and half-way up along the edge are shelves. The shelves are about 10’ up so it’s just out of broom reach. Getting a ladder is agonizing. We have many, many toys stuck up there.

She points to the corner in distress. What is that? I look over. It certainly looks like a huge spider. I mean huge. The type of spider you post photos to Facebook and receive a plethora of Likes.

My wife doesn’t speak English natively. She speaks English very well but there are a lot of things she doesn’t fully understand. Reputation was a hard concept for her. It helped me a lot in explaining exactly what it is. I couldn’t even cheat. There is no translation of Reputation in Japanese on Wikipedia.

Today I failed at something important to me. It was very hard and left me brooding all day. I can say, perhaps even rightfully, that it wasn’t my fault. There were a lot of factors influencing events. They do not matter. I failed.

Failure to me isn’t external. It’s not what people think of me. It’s not how people feel when engaging with me. Those are byproducts of my internal desire to succeed. I hope my influence and reputation are positive but I act in a way that I see is the path to success.