Jay Shirley

Striving to be a man of gallantry and taste

Conserving Energy Means Spending It.

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My wife and I know a very talented person. He often gets picked up for larger projects, we hear frequently about opportunities presented to him. He is excited and eager for them but his lethargy eventually ruins everything. It’s certainly tragic, because with his talent he could do great things for the world. More than the tragedy, I’m just plain confused.

Why do people with talent and ability squander opportunities? I don’t believe it is possible to capture all the opportunities available to us. We have to be observant and have good judgement. The most successful people in the world know to identify the most rewarding opportunities. However, a large subset of highly capable individuals miss out on opportunities purely because they would rather sleep in.

When I was talking to my wife about this, she understood it perfectly but couldn’t articulate it. She understood my confusion, but she struggled to explain it to me. Finally, she broke through my mental barriers.

Opinions on Opinions.

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A lot of people have told me if 10 experts are in a room, you’ll get 10 different opinions. Usually to counter me citing a respected expert in a field. They say this like it’s a bad thing. It’s not. Everybody needs opinions, especially experts.

I’ve been thinking lately about my opinions. Specifically, my opinion about opinions. It comes down to a small list:

  1. Have an opinion or stay quiet.
  2. Opinions must be backed by research and not bias.
  3. Defend your opinion or stay quiet.
  4. Nobody knows what they’re doing exactly, do your best.
  5. Ignorance is inexcusable.

The problem with opinions.

Opinions are never completely right. Very few things in life have a proper, correct answer. I’m not really sure 2+2 is 4, but it’s close enough for me. I don’t even really believe in right or wrong. I only believe in consequences.

I love the vague nature of the world, it means it is chaotic and needs attention and curation. When people have opinions on the way things in the world should be, the world changes. Hopefully for the better. Opinions curate the world in the way dedicated, thoughtful and motivated individuals feel it is best.

The only problem with opinions is when they aren’t based in research. It’s not about facts, it’s about research. We spend our lives learning facts, but facts are always interpreted differently. We end up with opinions formed from whatever limited facts we’ve been exposed to that fit inside our perception of the world.

When an opinion isn’t sourced from research and knowledge, it’s created from a bias. Whether the bias is from someone admired or religious beliefs, these opinions are harmful. They’re naive and indefensible. You can’t argue for or against when the foundation is no more deep than “because that person over there said so.”

I’ve tried to figure out how to determine the foundation for opinions. The best I can figure this is to see how someone reacts to two very general questions. One is easy and generally safe, the other dangerous but more revealing.

The first, to ask them to support or verify their opinion. To say it out loud, clearly. Simply asking them what their opinion is. It’s very direct, but it works.

The second way is to ask them about any popular contrarian position. Unfortunately asking about contrarian positions paints you as you support the opposing view. Caution must be exercised. I try to always go with the first option.

If emotion enters and vague answers are given, bias is likely the cause for their opinion. Better move on.

Opinions, The Good Parts

The best part of opinions is defending them. I thoroughly love it when someone asks, or challenges, my opinion on something. As long as they’re doing it with an open mind and armed with research, I will be having a good time. I hope they do, too.

I debate passionately, because in all of the opinions I’m willing to argue I’ve invested myself in. I’ve spent many hours researching and thinking about it. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be talking about it.

This research and enlightenment is important. It makes me a better person. Even if someone comes along and dislodges my opinion and shows me a new truth, my mental investment is not lost. I carry knowledge to the new opinion.

The cost of learning to hold a well-reasoned opinion is applied in full to new found truths. There is no way to lose when you learn.

You can win when you keep quiet

An important part of opinions is something I fail at frequently. It’s so simple but it seems to go against my nature. I’m not alone, but that doesn’t make it excusable.

Staying quiet, mentally and verbally, when it’s appropriate.

If I haven’t put in sufficient research, don’t just not voice an opinion, do not have an opinion. I know earlier I said I argued my opinions, but I do at least only argue opinions I feel confident and comfortable arguing for.

However, I still feel the opinions formed by nothing more than bias creep into my mind from time to time. Someone I respect tells me about something that is the truth and I believe it. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.

There is a side-effect to this. Some people may think you’re a cynic or overly skeptical. That may be, but I think it’s more valuable to verify information and not be fooled because someone happens to be right more often than not. I’m disappointed when someone listens to me without learning for themselves.

On Who to Hire.

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I’m not a fuzzy person. Especially when things come down to business. I have a few basic rules that I want the people around me to follow.

  1. Have an opinion or stay quiet.
  2. Opinions must be backed by research and not bias.
  3. Defend your opinion or stay quiet.
  4. Nobody knows what they’re doing, do your best.
  5. Ignorance is inexcusable.

Keeping Habits

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title: Keeping Habits while Traveling comments: true

snippet: Something I always struggle with is maintaining habits while I’m traveling or some other really disruptive moment in life. Here’s how I am working it out.

I don’t travel as much as I’d like to, but that’s a common complaint. I love to travel. I love to see new things. What I don’t like is the disruption to my habits and continuous goals that I try to maintain.

It’s important for me to take breaks and regenerate. One thing that really surprises me is how exhausting it can be to maintain a product. It’s exhausting in the most wonderful of senses.

Improvement Is a Journey.

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Improving yourself is a journey. There is no destination.

Some days you cover a great distance. Arriving in a new and unrecognizable place; a strange and exciting new world. Other days it feels like no progress obtained. Sitting dead in the water. Perhaps a day repairing yourself, hoping to recover that momentum lost.

Just don’t give up. Keep the habits up.

Psychology of Improvement and Progress

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Last year I had a mole on my leg go bad. It wasn’t cancer, yet. That was still a couple years away. It was, however, needing to be taken out. Then more needed taken out. Now I have a quarter size hole in my leg. It’s a sizable scar.

I wasn’t done, though. My dermatologist said that I needed screenings every 6 months. Early detection is key. The alternative is cancer growing, and growing fast. That’s pretty frightening.

It All Changes Now!

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For the past few years I’ve been putting aside money. At one point, we had quite a bit of money set aside. Then I decided I couldn’t handle living where we did, and I wanted to move. That was an expensive decision. At that point we had lost 20% off the value of what we owed on our house. Sanity has no price tag.

It was a great move. We love living here and we love our house. I started saving up more money and I have mostly made up the gap.

I always had a reason to set this money aside. It wasn’t to buy a nice car or even to put my kids through college. It was for this moment. Not to say I don’t want a Lotus Evora, but that can come later.

I did it for one moment, and that moment came today.

Why I Do What I Do.

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There has been a lot of controversy in the software world. Lately, most of it is towards gender-bias and clear cut sexism. All the controversy is (mostly) irrelevant to the point I want to write about.

The side-effect of reading about such controversy is that it makes me think about what I do for a living. My upbringing was certainly not atypical, but it was probably less common for a software developer.

During my youth every adult hated their job. If they didn’t vocally hate it they still all complained. The only single exception I encountered was a guy who, I think, did electrical engineering. He never complained.

Being Positive Reaps Benefits.

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Recently my son has picked up being negative. It’s an odd experience, because by nature he’s an optimist. I know he is just trying it on, much like clothes. Seeing what fits, what he likes. It will pass.

I have a singular difficulty in explaining to him the benefits of being positive. Being disrespectful or insulting is easy; he understands feelings and how people can hurt them.